Turn a Puffs Container into a Toy

I've spent countless dollars on toys for my 9 month old, and you know what she wants to play with?  My phone, my wallet, the remote, and basically anything that is not meant to be a toy.  I've made the decision to start making her toys out of household items that she wants to play with anyway.  

My first attempt at this uses two things you probably have lying around your house right now:  an empty puffs container and fabric.  Just cut up the fabric and stick it inside.  That's it!  She loved it!

                

 

A Follow-Up of Sorts

Ever since I wrote my previous post "The Honest Truth - What Really Happens After Baby Arrives,"  I have felt a heaviness lifted from my shoulders.  It must have been very therapeutic to write out all of my feelings, and through this, help others.  I've gotten many comments of appreciation from other moms.  Some are currently going through the early days of infancy and are thankful to hear they are not alone.  Some have older children, or children who are all grown-up, who have thanked me for sharing.  It just proves to me once more that us mothers should not be ashamed for thinking that child-rearing is hard work!  We should not feel ashamed for feeling tired or angry or unconnected with our baby at first.  None of us went into parenting thinking it would be a walk in the park.  We knew it would be hard.  We aren't that naive.  But no one ever explained why it would be so hard.

Also, after writing the post, I've really been thinking hard about the first few months of Hannah's life.  I've read my post over and over, reliving all of it.  The more I read what I wrote, the more I felt like it may have sounded like I was complaining, (and maybe I was at some points during the post.)  But I think the reason why I had such a difficult time in the beginning is because I was so completely unprepared.  I was talking to John last night, and pretty much concluded that I will not do anything differently with our next baby. I think everything I did with Hannah was completely and 100% the right thing to do, but I was only doing them to survive.  Next time, I will do them not only out of survival, but because I believe they are right.  Looking back on it, if I would have had more empathy for Hannah, I may have been able to handle some of the difficult days a little better.  She was a tiny little baby who was used to being in my warm, quiet, tummy for 9 months - of course she didn't want to sleep in the bassinet!  And of course, she wanted to be held in the wrap to sleep - it's meant to mimic the womb.  And of course, she wanted to nurse constantly - the sucking motion is very comforting, breast milk is yummy, and being close to me was her favorite place to be.  Knowing all of these things now make it easier for me to understand why Hannah seemingly gave me such a hard time.  She only wanted what was natural for her - to be close to her mommy.  I know not everybody necessarily wants to parent this way, and that's fine.  If your baby is anything like Hannah, at least you will now know why he is doing what he is doing.  Because you'll have this knowledge, maybe you won't feel how felt ("Why are you doing this to me???")

I also wanted to make it clear that things don't automatically get better at a certain age.  Everybody's  experiences are different.  For some, things may start to get easier around 4 or 5 months, for others it may be much longer.  We still have many bumps in the road.  Sleep is a constant battle, and new challenges begin to arise (sleep regressions, teething, nap transitions, etc.)  There will always be a difficult part of parenting, no matter the age of our children, but as long as we have the support of others and know we aren't alone in our struggles, things will be infinitely easier!


In addition to being mentally prepared for things to be more difficult than you thought they would be, I thought it would be helpful to give you information and actual tools to get through some of the tough times. Here are some links of information that may be helpful for you:

Baby's Fourth Trimester: Helping Your Baby Make a Peaceful Transition from Womb to World

Baby Explains Normal Newborn Behavior

The Baby Sleep Site - 4 Month Sleep Regression

The Baby Sleep Site - 8/9/10 Month Sleep Regression

The Baby Sleep Site - Nap Tips

The Honest Truth - What Really Happens After Baby Arrives

Before I say anything, I need to preface this post with somewhat of a warning and explanation.  This post is not meant to crush anyone’s spirits.  It is not meant to scare people out of having children or make pregnant women terrified for their newborns to arrive.  It is not meant to be negative, and it is certainly not meant to generalize the experience.  I also am not looking for sympathy and not complaining.

My purpose for writing this is one fold – to help other parents.  

I want you to know that if you have these feelings and these experiences, you are not alone.  I believe that knowing that others have done what you have done and have made it to the other side alive, is huge for coping with difficult experiences.  So be forewarned:  I am going to be brutally honest here.  I may say things that will strike a chord with people, or make some people feel uncomfortable.  Some people may disagree with me or not want to believe me.  If you’re pregnant, you may be angry with me for putting a damper on an otherwise exciting time in your life.  For that I apologize, but I believe getting this information out there is so important.  I’ve thought about it for a long time.  I’ve been conflicted about sharing my experience, and the experiences of other moms I know because I’ve been afraid of offending people or crushing spirits. But it is time we stop sweeping this type of stuff under the rug and start helping each other out as mothers.  Even if what you read today does not resonate with you, hopefully when you are having a hard day or night with your baby, you will remember something I said and some of the loneliness you are feeling in that moment will be lifted.  I am sharing my own personal experience, so it will by no means be exactly like this for you.  I know many moms who have had similar experiences, so I know I am not unique.  It is very likely you will go through or are currently going through one, some, or all of things that I did.  At the very least, I hope what I am about to say helps at least one person get through one of the most difficult and exhausting things any of us will ever go through.

Okay, now onto the brutal honesty. 

Before you had a baby, what did you picture when you thought of babies?  It was something like this  right?   

An approximate 7 month old child, sitting in a high chair at a restaurant, or being pushed around in a stroller in the mall.  They are inevitably doing something cute:  smiling, learning how to wave, maybe screaming in joy, and learning how to crawl.  They’re so cute and fun and I want one!  Most people don’t picture an 8 pound newborn who can barely open her eyes, can’t smile, can’t do much of anything except eat, sleep (maybe), poop and cry.  Even though in your head, you know that babies don’t pop out cute little crawling, smiling tiny people, it is still a bit of a shock that first week or so when you realize all you’re going to be doing for a long while is holding this tiny helpless thing, feeding her, changing her, and trying anything and everything to get her to stop crying. That wasn’t really part of my fantasy of being a mother. And some babies cry a lot, sometimes for no apparent reason. For most people, the newborn stage (first 4 months or so) is the single hardest part of child-rearing. 

I’m just going to come out and say it:  It sucks. 

My baby is now almost 9 months old, and sometimes I get little pangs of guilt when I look back on those early days.  The happy memories are easily buried by ones of exhaustion, sadness, emotional roller coasters, and self-doubt.  I think, “I’m a horrible person.  I wasn’t elated.  I wasn’t on cloud 9.  I was in hell.”  Isn’t that a terrible thing to think about your little precious baby’s early days?  Terrible!  But it is true.  And I have slowly learned that I am not the only one who feels this way.  Why didn’t I know that everyone goes through hell and back in those first few months (or longer)?  Sure, people gave me little hints here and there disguised as funny remarks, “You’ll be tired!”  “Just wait til the baby gets here!”  “Just wait..just wait…just wait…”  These comments are so easy to brush off.  “Yeah yeah yeah, I’ll be tired.  I get it.”  But I understand why no one wanted to tell me the real, honest to goodness truth.  It’s the same reason it has taken me this long to write this.  It is hard to admit these feelings, and it is even harder to tell a happy, excited, pregnant woman that it may not be what she is imagining at first.  

Okay, back to the “it sucks” part.

Tired does not even begin to describe what you will feel.  I used to stay up until 4am in college, get up at 8, go to class all day, go to work, study, repeat.  That was tired.  There isn’t even a word for the lack of sleep new parents experience.  Not only will you be working nonstop all day, and staying awake all night, but you’re body is making milk, dealing with a sudden drop in hormones, and recovering from labor. 

The first night we brought Hannah home, we tried from 8pm until 3am to get her to go to sleep.  If there is one thing I’ve learned as a parent it’s that sleep is not something you are born knowing how to do.  I thought, she’s tired, why isn’t she falling asleep??  I still don’t really know the answer to that question, but it is hard work trying to get a baby to fall asleep and most importantly, stay asleep.

Since she hated every sleeping contraption we had, we co-slept for the first 3 weeks.  I had to wake her every 2 hours to feed since she wasn’t gaining weight.  Breastfeeding was difficult.  Sometimes it took me almost 15 minutes just to get her latched on, 45 minutes of feeding, and who knows how long trying to get her to go back to sleep after all of this.  If you lost count, that is about an hour and half I was awake every 2 hours.  I started dreading bed time because I knew what was coming.  It’s not like when you have a hard job, you come home, you get to rest, go to bed, recharge and start it all over again in the morning.  With this job, it never ends.  The nights run into the days and I rarely got a chance to recharge.

After the first 3 weeks of doing this, we moved her to the Rock n Play sleeper.  It’s reclined and much cozier than typical baby beds.  She loved it and we started to get more sleep. 

That lasted about 3 weeks or so before she started waking every 15 minutes, which led us to co-sleep until she was 5 months old.  The co-sleeping started out pretty good.  She slept in 3 or 4 hour stretches and I didn’t have to get up to feed her.  Then she realized she had an all-night milk snack bar and slowly started waking more frequently until she was up every 30 minutes to an hour.  Although I love the idea of co-sleeping and loved cuddling with her all night long most of the time, I quickly realized this arrangement was not working for our family.  The thing is, we had no other option.  We were completely out of ideas.  What do you do when your baby won’t sleep in the crib, bassinet, or Rock n Play?  We were completely lost, so just kept trying to survive doing what we were doing. 

During all of this Hannah was also refusing to nap.  The first month or so, she would just fall asleep while nursing or in the car or whatever.  Then she got to the age where I actually had to try to get her to go to sleep.  She would cry and cry and the only thing I could conclude was that she was tired, but wouldn’t sleep.  She would sleep in the Moby wrap, but only if I was standing, so I would have to stand up for 2+ hours to let her nap.  She would sleep in the car, but would wake up once we got to our destination if she wasn’t in a deep sleep.  So I would drive 30 minutes to my parent’s house, and hang out there while she napped in her car seat.  But most of the time, the only way I got her to nap was in my arms or in the wrap.  This meant I was literally attached to her 24/7.

Lots of things did not work out the way I imagined. 

Hannah refused to sleep flat on her back.  The bassinet was useless.  The crib was useless.  She slept in my arms, in my bed, and for a short period of time in the Rock n Play sleeper until she got sick of that, too. 

She also refused to take a bottle.  I thought I would be able to pump some milk, and let John take over a night feeding sometimes to give me extra sleep.  Or at least let him give her a bottle in the evenings, so I could take a long bath or a nap or something.  Nope.  Bottles were her worst enemy, as were pacifiers.  Nursing was our only tool to soothe her most of the time.  Everyone tells you breastfeeding is hard, but no one told me bottle feeding might be impossible.

She cried, and cried, and cried for no apparent reason.  We figured later that she was most likely colicky, but knowing that doesn’t necessarily make it easier to deal with.  If she wasn’t sleeping or nursing, she was crying.  I had a swing, a bouncy seat, a bassinet – places I was supposed to be able to put her if I needed a break to pee, shower, cook dinner, or just give my arms a rest.  Guess what?  She hated all of them.  I held her all day long, and when she stopped sleeping at night, I held her all night, too. 

Babies get hungry way more often than “every 2 hours” like some books say.  I would feed her, 30 minutes later she would be crying.  We would try everything.  Diaper change, swaddle, white noise, bouncing, rocking, blah blah blah.  “She can’t be hungry! I just fed her!”  She was hungry.  Or maybe she wasn’t.  Maybe she just wanted to suck on something because it is very comforting for babies.  Have a comfortable chair or spot on the couch with all your essentials nearby because you may not leave that spot for 3 months. 

People offered to help, but I didn’t want it.

The word help stressed me out and still does.  Since Hannah wouldn’t take a bottle and was pretty much crying unless she was sleeping or had a boob in her mouth, I was terrified to leave her.  I didn’t even want someone to come watch her while I laid down in the other room and slept.  There was no way I would even sleep.  Sometimes I would try while John watched her, and I could hear her crying in the living room, so would just get up. 

I was terrified to leave the house. 

Since the only tool I had to soothe her was nursing, I was terrified to be out in public and have her melt down.  I’m all for nursing in public, but back then it was still such a production to feed her.  I couldn’t do it without my boppy pillow, and it was so difficult getting her latched.  I did not want to attempt that in the middle of the grocery store. 

Then it wasn’t about nursing, but it was about naps.  I was trying to establish a good nap routine and get her used to sleeping at home, so I didn’t want to be out and about while she was tired.  She would inevitably fall asleep in the car seat and wake up the minute I got home, then refuse to take a real nap and cry until she was tired enough for the next nap.  It wasn’t worth it for me to go through that, so I stayed home.  If friends wanted to hang out, we had lunch in my dining room. 

Even now, I don’t leave the house during nap time.

We did not have any semblance of a schedule for a looooong time. 

Don’t let people tell you that you should be on a schedule.  When I say schedule, I mean a by the clock eat at this time, sleep at this time, type of day.  It’s impossible with a baby.  Hannah is 8 ½ months old and we literally JUST got on a schedule last week.  I know people with kids her age who are still not on a schedule.  You can try.  You can try really hard to feed by the clock and put down for naps by the clock.  But babies are just little humans and their needs vary.  Sometimes I would think we were getting somewhere, but it would all blow up in my face and completely change for some reason.  This can be really frustrating.  I could never set a time to meet up with people.  There were lots of different mom and baby classes I was interested in, but could not reliably attend because I had no idea when Hannah would sleep.  And if Hannah was sleeping, there was no way in hell I was waking her up to go to baby yoga.  I couldn’t tell friends, yes!  Let’s meet up at 11!  It was really frustrating.  This was another reason I just told friends to come over if they wanted to hang out. 

I got no positive feedback from my baby for at least 3 months.

Babies will start to smile a little here and there early on, but it’s not predictable.  The work you are doing is selfless and even though your baby is healthy and thriving, you will secretly wish she could look at you after eating and say, “Thanks mom!  That milk was yummy and just what I wanted.  Good job!”

      _______________________________________________      

The important thing to remember about all of this is that you will get through it.  We got through it.  Hannah is 8 ½ months old, sleeping in her crib at night and taking two solid naps per day.  Sometimes she has some bad nights where she wakes up a lot, but it’s manageable.  I want to clarify though, that she did not just magically start sleeping better one day.  I read every sleep book on the market and worked very hard to get to the point we are at now.  That's why I am still nervous when we ever have to change our routine.  I worked my butt off to get those two naps and to get her in the crib.  My biggest fear is to ruin it!  She still doesn’t take a bottle, but she eats solids and drinks water out of a sippy cup.  Nursing isn’t a big production, and most feedings only take about 10 minutes.  We take her with us everywhere because I’m not afraid of a melt down that can only be fixed by nursing.  And if I absolutely had to, nursing in public is super easy now.   She plays, she smiles, she giggles.  She reaches her arms out for me.  She holds my hand while I feed her and plays with my hair.  She interacts with the world around her and it is fascinating to watch her grow as a little person.

Let me say it again because it is the point of this whole post: 

You will get through this.  It is temporary.  It will pass.  You are not alone. 

Babies are hard work.  Kids are hard work.  Don’t feel bad if your baby arrives and you aren’t as elated as everyone thinks you should be, if you feel like ripping out your hair, and if you question what you have done.  We’ve all been there.  And the hardest part for me was the guilt of having these feelings.  I should have been happy.  I should have done things differently, I thought.  The truth is, I did everything I could to just survive and that is fine!  A friend of mine once told me that the first 6 months are pure survival and I just needed to close my eyes and get to the other side.  Nothing is more true than that statement.  Having a baby is the most beautiful and wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced.  She loves me unconditionally, relies on me for everything, and I made her!  It has also been the single hardest thing I have ever experienced.  Do not feel bad if you aren’t happy all the time.  That’s normal!  Just trudge through it.  You can do it!

I don't want to minimize what dads go through during all of this, (although I am going to be biased and say moms have it worse!)  My husband had to sleep on the couch for 5 months while Hannah and I took over the bed.  He would get up at 2 in the morning while I melted down and she wouldn't sleep.  He would walk around the house with her, shhh-ing in her ear until she fell asleep, then wake up and go to work the next day.  He had to listen to me cry, tell me it would all be okay, and give me the positive reinforcement I so badly wanted.  All the while, he was starting up his own business, and trying to grow it big enough so we could pay our bills, (since we were now a one income household.)  Fatherhood sure wasn't what he thought it would be at first either, but he got through, too!  We got through it together, and we're stronger now because of it.   

People sometimes ask me if I regret anything that I did.  If I could do all over again, would I make different decisions.  The truth is: no.  We are going to do it all over again someday with a new baby, and I probably won't do it much differently.  Now that I know what to expect, I won't be as blindsided.  I expect it to be hard, or harder, but hopefully it is not as huge of a shock!  Also, sometimes I made a decision because it was literally my only option, so there is no way I could change it.  Co-sleeping, for example, was the only way to get any sleep whatsoever.  Looking back, I really love the fact that Hannah got the security of sleeping with me for those first 5 months.  We definitely created an incredibly strong bond.  As for breastfeeding, I do not regret it at all.  Breastfeeding is probably my single most favorite thing about parenting right now.  I'm almost glad now that she never took a bottle because our nursing relationship is beautiful.  I'm so glad I got through the difficult times of it because it was so worth it.  I really have great empathy for women who want to breastfeed and can't.  That is just one more thing on top of all of this that must be very difficult to deal with.  

      ________________________________________  

Post Partum Depression is a very real thing, and although I was never officially diagnosed, I’m sure I had a bit of that going on on top of everything else.  That being said, even if you don’t officially have PPD, you may feel some of the things I’ve mentioned.

Pieces of Advice:

Walk Away

If you ever feel angry with your baby, be sure to put her down and walk away for a little bit.  I admit I had to do this more than once.

Find Support

Make sure you have someone to open up to about your feelings, and don’t feel bad if you have to cry…a lot.   Seek support from other moms, too. 

Call Your Doctor

When in doubt, call your doctor or midwife and tell her how you’re feeling. It is nothing to be ashamed of.  You will be able to take care of your baby better if you take care of yourself first.

Take a shower every day – no matter what. 

           

I used to shower in the morning while John watched Hannah before he went to work.  Then Hannah and I started sleeping later, so I had to wait until she was napping, or put her in the bouncy seat in the bathroom.  As you read above, she rarely napped, and she hated the bouncy seat at first, so it was difficult to say the least.  But showering was a huge priority of mine. I needed to feel human and get out of my pajamas everyday. 

Get outside.

Even if you just go in the backyard for 10 minutes a day.  Get outside.  I didn’t follow this advice and I think it would have helped. Hannah was born in October so it was cold outside when I needed to be out, but I could have made it work.

Don’t have too many visitors that it gets overwhelming, but don’t cut yourself off from the world.

Yes, I was afraid to leave the house, but I talked to friends on the phone a lot, and a few times a week, people stopped by to say hi.  It was a nice change of pace.  That being said, if too many people are dropping by that it overwhelms you, put a stop to it.

Don’t worry if you don’t “sleep when the baby is sleeping.”

That is the oldest advice in the book, but it isn’t always realistic.  I always felt this pressure to sleep, so would lie there thinking “Sleep!  Just sleep!  The baby is sleeping and this is your only chance!”  So it didn’t happen.  If you’re like me, try to at least rest while you can.  Sit on the couch and watch TV or read if you get a moment to yourself.   I didn’t always follow this advice either and should have! 

If help with the baby stresses you out, at least let people help out in other ways.

The single most helpful thing anyone did for us was bring us food.  So many people brought us food that I didn’t have to cook for 3 weeks.  I don’t know what we would have done without that food.  There is no way I was cooking dinner, that’s for sure! If people ask what they can do, have them do your laundry or clean your house or go to the grocery store.  They may be expecting that you will want them to watch the baby, but those other things can be much more helpful.

Don't Let the Facebook world get you down.


We all do it.  We post cute photos of our babies on facebook.  Don't look at your friends' photos and status updates and think, "They are having such an easy time with parenthood!  It was so hard for me, why isn't it hard for them?"  The truth is, it is hard for them.  They may not be having the exact troubles you are, but they are struggling.  They just aren't posting photos of the 3am wake up or Cry Fest 2012.

Lastly…

Remember that even though you feel exhausted, sad, and overwhelmed you do love your baby and your baby does love you.  You’re doing a great job, and just a few short months from now, things will be better.  There are still hard moments.  I’m still tired everyday, but I’m finally to a place where I truly enjoy every minute with this little person.  Being a mom is the best job I’ve ever had in my life, but it definitely took me some time to warm up to it J 

Moms who are reading this, feel free to share your own experience.  It may help a new mom out one day.  Let's all make an agreement to let the cat out of the bag from now on and not sugar coat our experiences.  We owe it to each other to tell the truth and validate each others' feelings.    

And please, share this on facebook and Pinterest or where ever you feel it is appropriate.  There may be someone out there who is feeling isolated in her feelings who needs to hear these words.  Pass it on to all your current mom friends (even if their babies are all grown up!), and future mom friends.  

Here are anecdotes from some friends who were kind of enough to share:

"I rock to the the tick of the clock matching its rhythm. My legs burn from exhaustion. I can do this in my sleep. This Is how I sleep. In motion. Upright. Exhausted. Seconds at a time. I sleep between the ticks. My eyes itch. I don't dare rub them. The baby is asleep. Whoever coined the phrase sleeping like a baby had a sick sense of humour. I can hear my husband snoring. Snoring means sleeping. Rage engulfs me. He is sleeping peacefully in a soft bed amid cool crisp sheets. He showered before bed. He ate with both hands. He went to the bathroom without a baby with him and a toddler banging on the door. He isn't in pain. His legs don't burn.  The clock blurs as frustrated tears burn my dry eyes. The squeak of the chair. The tick of the clock. The rumble of snoring. And the silent slide of tears."  

                                                                                                                                      -C.K. Mother of 3

"I cried and cried and cried some more. Breastfeeding may be natural, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt. I felt jealous of everyone else who's lives were uninterrupted. I was up every single hour. Never ate a warm meal for the first month at least. Loved my kids with all of my heart, but thought oh man what have I done?  i don't know if I can handle 2 kids. I took a lot of pain meds that made me very tired. 3am to me was just the same as 3pm, time didn't matter- around the clock was just the same repetitiveness. Change, feed, put down, take pain meds, back to sleep for 30 min to an hour. Oh and my stomach was giving me problems after my c section and I literally had to nurse on the toilet a few times. No joke. I know it's gross but I literally HAD to go. Wouldn't change a thing though. It's tough in the beginning but totally worth it. I just prefer to skip the newborn part."

                                                              -T.J.  Mother of 2 


"You want the truth, eh?  Well, like many pregnant women I tried to be realistic with my expectations while still thinking positively (often we get what we expect--we create our own reality, so why not imagine the best?), but it's impossible to know which of those expectations will get the proverbial slap in the face.  So here's the truth about what I didn't expect:

• I didn't feel an overwhelming sense of motherhood when my baby was handed to me.  I was in so much shock from experiencing the most pain I'd ever felt and the fact that I actually just pushed a baby out of my body, that I didn't have the awareness and appreciation in that moment that I assumed would just be there.
• Problems with my labor and delivery tainted the experience of welcoming my baby into my life:  Because the hospital basically ignored me throughout my labor until I was ready to push, and I knew my baby would have to get stuck with a needle due to this neglect, I was feeling very shocked and angry in the moments and hours after my delivery.  I spent our first night together lying awake in bed just replaying everything over in my head and despite my efforts against it, I kept focusing on what went wrong rather than my beautiful, healthy baby by my side.  Every few weeks or so I still get angry just thinking about how unfair it is that they robbed me of the treatment we all deserve when giving birth.
• Postpartum Depression: I worried that I might get this since I'd had depression in the past, but I didn't realize it would come so soon and so powerfully.  It started shortly after we got home from the hospital as I was sleep deprived and began to fear that life as I knew it was forever gone.  I was especially mourning my life with my husband as we couldn't do the things we had done everyday for several years like eat together, watch TV, walk the dogs, stay up late and sleep in (since those first weeks we've been able to recover some of our routine).                                                                                                                                                                         For over 2 weeks I had tears just waiting in the wings for the slightest trigger.  I felt their pressure in my head and a sickness in my stomach.  Both my husband and I had little appetite and we often cried together and talked about what we were going to miss and what we feared.  We could sense each others' mood, and when one of us managed to feel better, it didn't last long because we could tell the other was hurting.  He recovered much quicker than I, and was amazingly supportive.  I can't imagine what I would have felt if he wasn't, because the depression was so powerful even through all his love.  In fact, almost nothing anyone said or did for me could do much to take the feeling away.  Everyone said it would get better, but I just wanted to know when.  If there was deadline for it that I could mark on my calendar, I could have handled it much better.  But I didn't know if it would last weeks or months.  And what if it got worse and I got the suicidal or homicidal feelings I'd heard about with postpartum depression?  The unknown was daunting.  
• Fussiness!  WTF?  For some reason, I was banking on having an "easy" baby, or being such a great mom that my baby wouldn't cry that much or that I could stop it easily.  I had heard of colic, but I assumed that on a small percentage of babies had it and I would probably luck out.  What I know now is that fussiness is on a spectrum, and even if your baby doesn't have "colic,"  it is very likely that you will have to deal with seemingly inconsolable crying for some period of time.  The truth is that I should have researched this more before giving birth, so I had all the tools in my belt before that first long evening of bouncing, shushing, rocking, swaddling and frequent feeding.  My almost 4 month old is definitely less fussy, but some days it's like she's a newborn again, but with a louder cry.  And a long night of unexplained wakings every hour is followed by a long day of trying to keep it together while you silently ask yourself what the hell you're doing wrong and when she'll finally grow out of it.
• No clear answers.  Before she came I was counting on an innate ability to know what to do with my baby, like I would know when it was time to just be loving and comforting, and when I had to "do what was best for her" and let her cry it out.  I realize now that not only is that not the case, but letting her cry and fuss is way harder than I imagined.  I play these mind games of wondering if she's already learning how to manipulate to get her way or if she truly does need to be comforted every time she cries.  And if not now, then when does this shift occur?  

I always knew parenting wasn't easy, but there truly is something to be said for the "immersion experience."

                                                                                                                             -D.B. Mother of 1

Easy Turkey Penne Pasta

I think I've said before that I have a love-hate relationship with cooking.  I'll go a couple weeks where I get really excited about trying new recipes and getting all the ingredients.  Then I'll go through a little phase where I absolutely dread dinner time and cooking is the last thing I want to do.  I'm in the latter phase now, hence my lack of recipe posts.  I suppose I could still post cooking blog entries even when we aren't eating anything particularly interesting.  I know there are people out there just like me, and when you don't feel like cooking, you still need an idea for dinner that night.  I find that when I look up recipes for dinner, I get really frustrated that things require so many ingredients.  When I'm in a cooking funk, I don't want something that requires fresh ginger, or lemon zest.  I want something that I can make in 20 minutes using the canned whatever that I have in my pantry.

So for all of you out there who don't feel like cooking dinner tonight, make this super easy Penne Pasta!  I didn't have time to take a lot of photos, but here's what you need:

• Ground turkey (or ground beef, or no meat at all if you prefer)
• A box of Penne pasta (I made the whole huge box so we would have leftovers)
• A jar or can of your favorite pasta sauce (I used Hunt's Traditional.  It's good and has the lowest calorie count per serving compared to Ragu and Prego)  
• Half a bag of frozen spinach (I always keep this on hand, but if you don't have it and don't want to go to the store, just leave it out.  No big deal!)
• Parmesan cheese (also optional)

1.  Boil your water and cook the pasta according to the directions.

2.  Cook the meat.

3.  Sautee the spinach in a little bit of oil.

4.  When the meat is done cooking, pour the sauce in the same pan and let it warm up a little bit.

5.  Drain the noodles and return to the pot.  

6.  Stir in the spinach.  

7.  Stir in the meat and sauce mixture.  

8.  Add some parmesan if you want.  I think freshly grated parmesan on top would probably be good, but I didn't have any.  I added the powdered kind, but I couldn't even really taste it.  It probably needed more.  

9.  Enjoy!  

We had so many leftovers, and this literally took me about 20 minutes to make.  Boiling the pasta is what took the longest.  I did this while Little H napped, and still had time to eat it before she woke up!  

Monthly Baby Photos

Taking monthly photos of your infant is a great way to document her growth throughout her first year.  It may seem like just one more thing to do, and sometimes it is a pain, but it is so worth it in the end.

I knew I wanted to take monthly photos, but I didn't have any ideas.  I just sat Little H down on the couch with a handwritten sign in front of her, and my Baby Monkey next to her for size reference.  This kind of photo is completely acceptable, and it was very quick and easy.  I wanted something more, though..something more eye-catching.  I saw lots of chalkboard ideas on Pinterest and decided that was the look I wanted.  For the chalkboard, I used an old piece of birch left over from when John made our bed.  Birch is pretty smooth, so it was perfect.  If you don't have anything lying around, I would suggest checking out the scrap wood at Lowe's or Home Depot.  It's back where they cut the wood for customers.  There are always pieces leftover from cuts.  They will sell the cut wood for a discounted price.  Also, check out ReStore if you have one in your area. I bet an old, smooth door would work great for this project, too.

I simply sprayed black chalkboard paint on the board.  It took about 3 layers of paint, and 1-2 days to completely dry.  The instructions on the can say to cover the whole board with chalk, then erase it to prep it.  I've noticed that is is kind of difficult to erase the chalk, but it's no big deal.  This is the end result:

There are many different ways to capture these fleeting moments.  You can get over the top creative, or go a simpler route.  You can purchase or make onesies with the month's number on them, and just snap the photo anywhere.  Here are some from Etsy. I like this idea of putting the baby in a laundry basket for each photo.  I also saw an idea where you put the baby in the same outfit every month.  The outfit obviously gets smaller and smaller to the point where it's barely even on the baby.  No matter what you decide to do, here are some tips:

1.  Make sure it's something easy enough to do every month.  If it's a pain, you won't get to it.
2.  Do it in the same spot every time, using something as a size reference.
3.  Have something in the photo that indicates which month it is.
4.  As always, use natural lighting if at all possible.  The flash on most cameras are not very flattering, even of cute little babies.

So what do you do with all these photos?   I plan on doing some sort of collage and hanging it up for her first birthday party.  After the party, there's a perfect spot in her room to hang it.  You can also make a photo book, or simply put the photos in an album.

Have fun!

Everything you need to know about cloth diapers from someone who used to know nothing about cloth diapers

So you're thinking about cloth diapers, huh?  Whether your reasons are to save money, save the environment, or save your little one's skin,  cloth diapers are not as scary (or gross) as you might think.  All the different types, styles, and brands can be pretty overwhelming at first, so hopefully I can help answer some of your questions.

I bought my entire stash and other accessories for right around $200.  I figured out that my investment will pay for itself in about 4 months, (that's when compared to generic disposable diapers.)  Assuming Little H will be in diapers until she is at least 2 years old, and her future younger siblings will be in diapers for at least as long, I'd say the money you'll save is reason alone to look into this option.  One thing that may sound gross to some people, but really isn't that unusual, is you can resell your diapers when you're done with them to recoup some of your investment.  As long as they are in pretty good condition, you can sell them on Ebay, craigslist, or find a website like Cottonbabies that will buy them from you.

First I'll tell you what I know about all the different diapering options, then I'll get into my own stash and show you what I use.

First thing you need to decide is what type of diapers, or combination of diapers, you want to use.  Keep in mind you need at least 20-24 diapers to get you through about 2 days.

All-In-Ones (AIO's)
These are as close to disposables as you're going to get.  No inserts, no folding.  Just put the diaper on, and take it off when it's dirty.  You have to change the entire diaper every single time, so at $15-$25 a pop, this is the most expensive option.

Grovia All in One

Inside of the Grovia

 

Pocket Diapers
These are similar to AIO's, except there is a pocket that you stuff with a liner or insert.

BumGenuis Pocket Diapers

Stuffing the pocket with a Bum Genius Liner

You have to change the diaper cover and the liner every time, so this option can be a bit pricey, as well, depending on what brand you buy.  I wish I would have researched pocket diapers a bit more because there are some really economical choices out there.  Somebody just told me about Sunbaby diapers, and Kawaii diapers.  Each have great package deals.  You can get 30 Kawaii diapers with all the inserts you need for about $195!  This seems like such an easy option!  They even have package deals for twins and triplets.  A lot of people like pocket diapers because you can customize your absorbency level.  Stuff the pocket with two liners for overnight, or with a hemp liner for extra absorbency.  The way they are designed, the baby should not feel the wetness either.  Another great brand of pocket diapers is Fuzzibunz.

Covers with Prefolds, Flats, Fitteds, or inserts/liners
This is the cheapest option, and what I use 99% of the time.  Instead of buying 20-24 diapers, you buy 20-24 inserts, which are much cheaper.

• Prefolds - A prefold diaper is a big rectangle piece of fabric, usually made of either cotton, or bamboo.  A prefold diaper is pretty thick already, with the center of the rectangle being even thicker.  

Chinese Prefold Diaper

         You can purchase different sizes of prefolds, or buy one size and fold it to fit a smaller baby.         When looking for prefolds, you'll notice a description of 4x6x4 or 4x8x4.  This is the ply per each 1/3 of the fabric.  4 ply on the sides, then 6 or 8 ply in the middle.  There are many different ways to fold a prefold diaper.  Look up tutorials on Youtube to learn how.

Most ways of folding require a Snappi to secure the diaper. 

I am absolutely terrible at folding prefolds any way except the trifold, so that is what I primarily use.  

Chinese Prefold trifolded

• Flats - A flat diaper is a giant piece of fabric, all the same ply and thinner than a prefold.  Flats require a cool origami fold to be used properly.  Again, Youtube is great for learning how to do it.  I don't have any flats, so I've never tried it, but I've heard you can even use receiving blankets as a flat diaper.  Again, a Snappi is needed to secure the diaper after folding.  Some people prefer flats because they aren't as bulky as prefolds.  My grandmother has actually always used flats as dish towels because they are so absorbent.  
• Fitteds - Fitted diapers are shaped like a cover.  You wrap them around the baby and secure.  No folding required.
• Inserts/Liners - Some companies make inserts or liners that are just a long rectangle.  These can be used as inserts, or stuffed in a pocket diaper.  Most are made of microfiber or hemp.  No folding required.    

Flip microfiber StayDry insert

Trend Lab cover & Flip cover

After you have your stash of inserts, then you need to buy about 6 or 7 covers for them.  The reason you don't need very many covers is because you only change the insert!  If the cover doesn't get dirty, just use it again!  There are many different brands and types of covers.  Some covers are lined with microfiber, some are not.   The Trend Lab diaper on the left is lined with microfiber.  I can usually use this cover multiple times before changing, but sometimes it does get dirty right away.  Notice the Flip diaper is not lined with anything.  If this gets a little bit dirty, I just clean it with a wipe and use it again.  

If you decide to get a few pocket diapers, you can even use those as covers.  Just don't stuff the pocket, put whatever insert you're using on top of the pocket.

Placing a liner on top of the pocket instead of inside
means you can reuse the cover.

That way, you don't have to change the cover when the diaper gets soiled.  Some popular brands of covers are Bummis and Thirsties, but there are many others out there that work  great, too. 

Hook and Loop vs. Snaps
When it comes to covers, you'll have to decide if you want velcro or snaps.  Right now, I have no preference, so you'll have to weigh the pros and cons and decide what is best for you.  I hear velcro wears out and is easier for older toddlers to take off.  You also have to make sure to secure the velcro to the laundry tabs before washing.  Otherwise, other diapers will stick to the velcro in the wash.  The good thing about velcro is that you can easily customize your size.  It's like using a disposable diaper.  Just pull the tab around your baby's body until it's tight, and stick.  Snaps are good because you don't have to bother with laundry tabs, they don't wear out, and they're harder for toddlers to undo.  The downside to snaps is they can sometimes be difficult to fumble with (especially in the middle of the night,) and you only have so many sizing options.


Sizing
I chose to buy all one size fits all diapers.   I think this is a great way to save money.  The problem was that I had a fairly small baby.  The one-size diapers usually start at 8 pounds.  I noticed I couldn't realistically start using my cloth diapers until Little H was bout 9-10 pounds.  Because of this, we had to use disposables for the first 7-8 weeks or so.  If you want to cloth diaper from the very beginning, I suggest purchasing a handful of newborn sized diapers.  I've heard very good things about Bummis.  They even have premie size diapers!


Other Accessories

My wet bag

• A place to put the dirty diapers - No Diaper Genie needed for cloth diapers.  Purchase a cloth bag (also called a wet or dry bag) to throw your diapers.  Don't let the name fool you.  "Wet bag" does not mean the bag is wet, or you put water in it.  It simply means that is where you put the wet diapers.  When it's laundry time, wash the bag with your diapers!  There are also small wet bags available out there to put in your diaper bag for on the go.  
• Diaper Sprayer - Breastfed babies' poop is water soluble, so rinsing is not necessary.  Diapers from formula fed babies, and babies who are old enough to eat solid foods need to be rinsed off before putting in the washing machine.  You can do what your grandmother or mother did and just dunk the diaper in the toilet to rinse it off, (um...no thank you!)  Or you can purchase a diaper sprayer and hook it up to your toilet.  If you're handy, or if you have a handy husband like me, then send him to the hardware store to make one out of a kitchen sprayer.  I saw this idea on Pinterest and will be making John do this in the next couple of months.  
• Cloth wipes -  I admit I have not started using cloth wipes yet.  We bought a gigantic box of disposable wipes at Costco back in the newborn days (or daze..), so I'm still using those.  When I do start using the cloth wipes, I will be using the ones I made myself , in addition to plain ol' wash cloths from Target.  There are websites out there that sell special cloth wipes that I'll 

  

  My homemade wipes made out of
  receiving blankets

  probably end up splurging on one day just because :)  To use cloth wipes, you can keep a spray bottle of plain water or wipes solution next to your changing table.  Spray your baby's bottom then wipe with a dry wipe.  The other option is to put your wipes in a container with water or a wipes solution. One of those big plastic things that disposable wipes come in works great, or a wipe warmer works, too.  I bought this wipes solution,  but you can also make your own.  Here are some great recipes.  

Kissaluvs Diaper Lotion Potion

• Detergent - I bought the Thirsties Pre-Wash and Super Wash for $32.  The containers don't look big, but I only use 1/2 ounce for each load.  I've been using the same bottles for nearly 3 months and still have a lot left.   Some people say cloth diapers need to be washed in special detergent, otherwise they are left with a stink, or they lose their absorbency; although, I've heard that some people just use plain Tide.  Experiment a little, and see what works for you.  If you're using regular detergent, keep in mind that you only need 1/4 of the recommended amount.  Too much detergent can leave a residue on the diapers, and cause irritation on your baby's skin.  

Thirsties pre-wash and super wash

• Diaper Pail Freshener - Honestly, when I zip up my wet bag, I don't notice any odor coming from my diapers.  I did buy this deodorizer though.  I got the Green Tea scent and it smells so good!  

Rockin' Green Diaper Pail Deodorizer

Washing
I wash my diapers about every other day, or every 2 days.  How often you wash depends on how many diapers you have. Like I said above, breast milk poop does not need to be rinsed.  Just throw all your wet and dirty diapers in your diaper pail, bag, or whatever you are using.  Once your baby starts eating solids, just rinse or spray the poop off into the toilet before putting in the diaper bag.  Some people might think, "Ew!  Won't your hand touch some of the poop?  And then you just put that stinky diaper in that bag in the room?  Doesn't it make the room stink?"  What I would say to that is this:  What disposable diaper using mom hasn't had her hand in some poop?  And have you ever smelled a nursery lately that uses a Diaper Genie?  It's not that great.  If you're really worried about the smell though, buy some diaper pail deodorizer like the one I mentioned above, and you're good to go.

On laundry day, put all your diapers and your wet bag in the washing machine.  Most diapers will come with instructions on how to wash.  What I've noticed is most recommendations are the same:  Prewash on cold, wash on hot, extra rinse.  I am not an expert on laundry, and pretty much ignored most of the buttons on my washing machine until now.  When I read these instructions, I thought "Prewash?  How do I even do that?? Extra rinse? What??"  Then I looked at my washing machine, and there are buttons for this, so it's very easy.   As I stated above, you can use a special cloth diaper detergent, or experiment with regular detergent. Never use fabric softener or bleach though because this will definitely mess with the absorbency.  Drying is easy, too.  Some covers need to be line dried, but your liners, prefolds, and all-in-ones can be thrown in the dryer.  When it starts getting warmer out, I will probably line dry everything to save electricity.  For the three months that I've been doing this routine though, none of my utility bills have gone up.

Another thing to note about washing is that your diapers will need to be "prepped" before using.  This mean they must be washed and dried about 5 times before you use them for the first time.  This allows for maximum absorbency.  I cheated a little and washed them a few times, dried, washed a couple more times, then dried.  In other words, I didn't dry after every wash.


Okay, now onto my stash!  Once you start buying your cloth diapers, you'll soon realize that you really truly love them and it becomes an addiction.

Bins for covers, liners, prefolds and wipes, dirty clothes,
and disposable diapers.

This is what I have:

I have lots of prefold diapers because I thought I was going to use these exclusively.  I have some Gerber brand prefolds:
                                   

And some Chinese prefolds:
                                     


 As you can see, the Chinese prefolds are much puffier, which makes them more absorbent.  The more you wash them, the puffier they get.  Like I said before, you can fold these diapers many different ways, but I exclusively use the trifold:

  

  

Chinese Prefold trifolded

I have 3 velcro Flip covers and 6 Flip inserts:

The Flip diaper system is so easy to use.  They are one size fits all thanks to the snaps on the front.

To insert the Stay Dry insert, simply fold it down to the desired length, and stick it in.

 

A little trick that is helpful:  Put the thick, folded part in the front for boys, and in the back for girls.    Since I don't have many of these inserts,

I use my prefolds in these covers a lot.  I simply trifold the diaper, and stick it in the cover.  I can fold down the front of the prefold to make it the correct length, but then it is really thick, and I don't like that.

 Instead, I fold it this way:

And it's the perfect length!

I have 6 Trend Lab covers, and 12 Trend Lab inserts.

These are also one size fits all.  I bought the starter pack, which came with a messenger bag style diaper bag.  The diaper bag came with a travel changing pad, and a small wet bag.  This is a great deal for only $90! I really like these diapers.  They are the first ones I grab when doing a diaper change.  They work like this:

When I bought all my Flip diapers and prefolds from Cottonbabies, they threw in a free Econobum cover. (I will adda photo later.  Baby is napping and the diaper is in her room!)  These covers look and feel kind of cheap (and they are very inexpensive at about $9 each), but they work great!  I've noticed absolutely no difference in functionality between this cover and the Flip covers.  The Econobum does not have the handy dandy flaps like the Flips, but who cares.  I've heard and read from reviewers that the prefolds that come in Econobum starter packs are not that absorbent.  I would stick to just buying the covers instead of the combo packs that come with prefolds.  

I got 3 Bum Genius pocket diapers as gifts.  This cute little pink one (size small):

                           

Stuff the pocket with an insert

And these 2 (one size fits all):

BumGenuis Pocket Diapers

The green and yellow ones came with two inserts each, so that gave me 4 more inserts to use with any of my covers!  Here are these diapers work:  

Stuffing the pocket with a Bum Genius Liner

You can stuff the pocket with anything: A prefold or different
brands of inserts, for example.

Also as gifts, I got these two super cute Grovia All-in-ones:

I usually use the Trend Lab diapers first.  When I run out of those, I start using my Flip diapers with their inserts.  When I run out inserts, I start using my prefolds as inserts.  When all my Flip covers are dirty, I move on to the pocket diapers and All-in-ones.  By then, it is definitely time to do laundry!  What I like about my stash is I have a variety of inserts and covers that I can use interchangeably.  I can use my microfibers inserts and prefolds in any of my covers, including my pocket diapers.  This gives me lots of options.

Keep in mind that these diapers are just my preference.  It is really good to have a variety of covers and see what you like best.  I took a chance and purchased all of these, and I ended up liking what I got.  I'm sure there are other brands that I would like just as much, (and I'm really tempted to buy more because they're so cute!) but I really don't need anymore diapers.

 If you're still unsure, some websites even offer diaper trials.  You put down a deposit, and they send you a bunch of different brands of diapers.  Once you've tried out all the different brands and styles, you can keep it all, or you can send back what you don't want!

You can dive as deep as you want into cloth diapering.  I know some people who only do it on the weekends because their baby is in daycare.  Some people only do it at home, and use disposables when out and about.  Some people, like us, only do it during the day and use disposables at night.   Others use them 100% of the time, make their own covers, and have a huge stash.


I hope this was helpful.  If you have any questions, don't hesitate to leave a comment.  If you are currently cloth diapering, what is your preferred brand and style?